April 24, 2014
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The month of April is usually full of excitement as it is my birthday month and 16 years ago I also gave birth on the 1st day of April to a beautiful baby boy. (Well, he’s actually considered handsome now and he tends to chap my hide. 😉) But this April has been kind of challenging. I started the month mourning the loss of my Aunt D.A.P. (It was the second death since November so you know I was taking it really hard.) I made sure to make my son smile for his birthday since he had reached the milestone of driving and working age. Then my oldest told me she would be moving to her first apartment on the 16th. While I was excited and happy, I felt a profound sense of loss. The family dynamic would change. I would be apart from someone I’ve lived with for the last 22 years. I’m not real good at accepting change but I try to roll with the punches. But before she moved out we celebrated my 41st revolution around the sun. I realized that I have been stuck in a mild depression for a couple of years. I really don’t find the same joy in my hobbies or day to day living that I used to have. I thought it was just the consequence of getting older but it’s not. Still haven’t quite found my way out of it but at least I have an action plan. I know I have to get around it in order to fulfill my goals. Until then I can’t do anything but take it one day at a time… I digress. I’ve also adopted a guinea pig named Charles Alexander Jackson. My daughter could not take him to her new place. So now I have 5 of my 7 children, a dog, several fish and a guinea pig, and my awesome husband to give my all to; another challenge that I must master. I am also dealing with the death of home. I only have one home place left to count on. My grandparents home (and the place were I was made) will be auctioned off in June. While it is “just a house” it is the house that they, my father, aunts and uncles built with their own hands. Their blood, sweat, tears, laughter and spirits reside within the plaster and floors. That is the last place I can go to feel my Grandfather, Grandmother and 3 of my Aunts. That is where I go to remember who I am. I am dreading the sale. I’m thinking about going just to see who buys it. Either way it’s just like mourning my family all over again. So yeah, April has been a bit challenging but at least I’m breathing.